Humility to Anchor Relationships in the New Earth

I remember hopping on a call with someone I hold dear months ago.

As we both navigate the topic of regenerative relationships in our dynamic, we allow our connection to be the “safe space” to practice it.

We were reconciling after a misunderstanding, and the first idea I had in mind was the thought of ontological humility.

Ontological humility speaks about the recognition that everyone sees reality differently. 

People’s realities are shaped by their lived experiences. 

Each and every one of us is molded by our own cultural, familial, and environmental upbringings, which make us view topics through different vantage points.

The friction in our relationships, then, oftentimes comes from a mismatch of perspective. 

And so, if we are not careful, the projections and implicit expectations we may have of another person may come from our own perceptions, which may not necessarily be true to the other.

Because of this, I realized that the root of regenerative relationships is humility.

Humility allows for trust, respect, and love to prevail.

It allows the recognition of someone else’s differences without having to shrink ourselves in the process.

It also brings in the empathy to see their perspective and not attach our own narratives while listening to them.

Where does humility start? 

Presence. Curiosity. Compassion.

One can precede the other or come together simultaneously, but these three are required for humility to prosper.

Presence grounds us in the imperfections arising from ourselves and the people we relate to.

Curiosity opens us to other possibilities and deepens our understanding of how one thing can be seen differently by the both of you.

Compassion releases the need to control the outcome and detaches us from our ego because both the relationship and the emotional safety are more important than winning the argument.

We can only grow so much by ourselves.

Relating to other people brings more opportunities for our expansion and growth. 

If we want to create regenerative relationships, we need to learn to cultivate an internal safe space for ourselves first. 

We pause before we react.

Then we ask questions from a calmer, more neutral standpoint and not assume based on our own reality.

We let discomfort teach us how to create real intimacy with one another.

Because in order for us to deepen our bond with others, besides meeting ourselves deeply to meet others at the same depth, we should recognize that our truths are not the only truths.

Love, then, becomes an act of humility.

Love is the recognition of the divinity within and around us—including the ones we relate to.

Love becomes an honoring of each other’s sacredness and sovereignty.

And so, as we relate with one another more harmoniously and regeneratively, may we allow ourselves to listen. 

To listen without needing to be right.

To detach from the need to be right.

To love despite and because of who they—and we—are.

Regenerative love is never passive. It’s never about choosing pacifism to “retain peace”.

It’s the continuous choice of peace through the pain, comfort within discomfort, over and over again. 

It’s about showing up. Not to fix, but to witness. 

Not to prove a point or get the message across, but to protect and preserve the connection. 

Because the relationships that truly revitalize and regenerate us are those that ask us to return to ourselves—to our messy, imperfect, iridescent selves—and remember that we are always worthy of loving and being loved the same. 

If we allow ourselves to love someone as they are, without needing to “fix” them or make them happy or feel complete, what would that look like?

If their healing is theirs to handle as ours is ours, how can we love them without losing ourselves, too?